We're facebook friends in real life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
