And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
