my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
