I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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