Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
