I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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