Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize