...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
