He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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