from now on my penis is your penis
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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