somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
