in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
