Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
