Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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