Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is that strawberry winking at me??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
