Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
