whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
