I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize