I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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