I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
