I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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