never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
