Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
