all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
