So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
