talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
