So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
