youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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