So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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