Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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