Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
