Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
