Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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