i always forget guys have bellybuttons
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
