sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
