your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
