i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
