..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
