is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
