i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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