There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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