just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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