I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize