I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
