Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
