Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
