we have pet lesbian snakes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
