never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have aggressive nipples.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
