Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
