Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
