I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was born a porn star she said
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
