that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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