i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
