the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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