I think i peed on brittanys purse
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
