yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
