I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
