He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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