So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
