these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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