You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
