I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
