I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
