Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
