ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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