we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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