im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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