I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
