Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
