he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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