I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize