In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize