You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's like iHOP with fire
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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