My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
