you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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