You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
