mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
