the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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