So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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