do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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