The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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