i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
