i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
